Tepidness

There are obviously several ways of living life. One of which is just being free and letting things happen to you. Another of which is planning every detail and consequence. I definitely used to be the person who lived life to such a mapped out extent. Over the last two years though, I would say that I’ve changed immeasurably, living life to a certain kind of spontaneity. Doing things from the spur of the moment, even if it could potentially affect the entire course of my life that I had previously planned out and sought after.

I always had my life planned out. I knew where I would be from one moment to another but these days I have no clue what will happen within the next few months. Truth is though, I don’t know myself very well and I’m always constantly morphing and changing along with my ever-changing circumstances and surroundings. My foundational beliefs are shaky too, except for knowing the God I believe in. Other than that, I think I’m constantly on some emotional roller coaster of a journey. But that’s kinda the fun of it all, not knowing who or where I’ll turn up. How I’ll feel about one thing one day and then on another day.

I have ideas of where I want to go and what I want to do; I’m just not sure if they will happen or if I’ll do something different. I’ve been thinking of myself as a lukewarm person lately, or that’s what I feel like. I’m into things like poetry, dance, and cool ideas. But I think I need to find something new to get into. What a gross thing a lukewarm person is. But I’d rather be lukewarm and somewhat distant than a diehard for something. Heck, I even like lukewarm tea. It never burns you, not destroying your palate for other things in life,  and it still quenches your thirst.

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