November 1

So it’s November 1, already. I don’t understand how quickly time has passed. I mean it doesn’t feel like the end of summer was that long ago, nor does it feel like the start of summer break was half a year ago. It’s interesting because at the end of last semester I made some significant decisions and at that time, I probably couldn’t have really imagined where I am right now. I think I might be settled in enough now to comprehend more the weight of my actions and decisions since that time.

Six months ago, I really emphasized that I had no idea where or what I would be doing within the next few months. Everything was quite unclear or new, so I didn’t know what was going to happen. I’m not saying that in a negative way by any means, just that I was getting ready to get used to a new routine. And in so many ways, even now, I think that’s still true. I’m trying to get used to this new routine which is still never constant. And I cannot grasp the idea it’s been six months since I’ve told myself that this year was going to be so different. Every day’s been a new adventure since then. I’ve never lived my life in such an uncertain manner; I always seem to have a structured plan of what I think or know will happen. But even now, I don’t know what else is going to happen within this month or the coming 2016 year. College seems to be unraveling a lot of the plans I had for myself with factors I’ve never considered. Life is becoming less and less structured. It’s not bad at all, but it’s difficult adjusting to the idea of not knowing where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a few months. Plans seem to change drastically on a very spontaneous basis.

School is finished in less than 6 weeks now, which is honestly so crazy knowing that there’s a break in the middle too. This month is full of travel, and after tomorrow, I’ll have finished all midterms. This week’s been really difficult to be honest. I’ve been emotionally and mentally exhausted, so it’s pretty nice to know it’s the start of a new month.

Another note: more and more, I’m realizing I am so unworthy of God’s grace, and yet it is so ever so present in my life, holding me up even when I’m unaware of it. I hope this month and ongoing, I’ll be more conscious of this, of His love and mercy that will never fail me.

Oh love
Like crashing waves of endless grace
You won’t relent
Until all I am is Yours

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