How to Get Away With Murder. The Mentalist. Luther. Castle. Criminal Minds.
I don’t even think that’s half the list, and whenever it’s available I’ll resort to watching a crime show (or reality tv to subside the scariness). I know; it’s a weird balance of flipping channels and trying to stay sane.
I’ve always dreamt of being a PI, but I know I don’t have the guts to do it. I can hardly sit through watching so much blood spill out, even if it’s a cartoon. So I watch writers make up fictive and wondrous worlds of horror and thrill. I like to think I’m part of the world somehow, but still disconnected from it to stay safe.
Sometimes though, after I watch a murder scene go down, I won’t be too scared. Then I’ll be in my bed wondering if I’ve locked the door, and trying for the death of me to go to sleep. I know it’s cliche – a lot of people love crime shows, hence why they exist in the first place. I think it’s fascinating to see the workings of a psychopath or a murderer – how their logic or illogic breaks down, where their emotions come into play, and how they choose to see the world.
But then you have shows like the Making of a Murderer (which strangely I could barely get past the first episode) or Serial (which I binge listened to hours on end) that actually show you reality. And at some point, you realize what’s depicted in these shows is so real at times. As much as I want to think it’s just a story or an article and has nothing to do with me at all, I can’t deny its realness and potential. That bad things happen to good people. I’m not preaching here. Far from it. But it’s weird. These shows/articles scare me for real because they are real. It’s so tough for me to swallow, but they are real people.
And I really don’t think I’ll ever understand the psychology or minds behind these characters. Whether their motives were for revenge, loss, torment, or even worse, had no motif at all.
It’s difficult to ingest a reality, but it’s hardly anything to ingest fiction.