Disappearing act

It’s the last week of classes of sophomore year. And I never thought I’d really make it up to this point sitting in another dorm room filled with enchanting memories of new and old friends, of hardships and joy, of closing and opening up.

Last night when I woke up, I thought to myself that I was in some kind of never-ending summer camp. My dorm bed felt like a foreign sleeping bag, and my desk like a temporary seat for studies. The feeling was nostalgic of my days back at orientation, where I always felt disoriented and thought the “summer camp” feeling would eventually fade out. And it did, for a while. I never expected college to feel like that, even if in theory that’s what it was. But it’s surreal to think it’s been almost two years since I’ve graduated from high school and two more until I graduate college. Everyone tells you that the four years will honestly fly by, even if it feels long in the moment. But more than flying by, it just feels temporary at the moment. Thinking that my room will be full of boxes in a month, that I won’t see some of my friends for three months, that I have several flights to make back and forth, all feels like a disappearing act from one place to another.

Like the last day of summer camp, you loved it and hated it at times, but you really only remember the moments you truly cherished and know you’ll never get back. No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, some moments are truly lost in the grapple with time. And I guess that’s why as much as I enjoy this experience, it’s difficult to love something, even when it’s just an experience, when it’s slowly fading away every day, never to really come back with the same force again. But that’s life – things disappear and reappear in new and mysterious ways.


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