2 years in

It’s interesting to sit here, just at the start of June, and reminisce how two years have flown by since the end of high school. Four years since my ongoing travel days and the onset of teenage angst, and six since I told myself, “the marathon is now starting; slow and steady wins the race.” How strange it is to think that I’m in my 20s already, while these moments remain vividly alive in my mind.

People say that you’ll change in college, that you’ll meet lifelong friends, that maybe you’ll even meet your future spouse. Now that I’m old enough to have actual friends who’ve graduated from college, they tell me the same thing, and one thing is definitely clear: they’ve changed since freshman year. It’s so strange to have friends who are that old already, going off into the adult world.

Strangely, I’m not sure if I can see any real changes for myself, other than I’ve reverted back a little bit (become more sensible) after last year’s wild goose chase. Freshman year really changed my life and challenged me in every sort of way. Sophomore year, I was busier, but the stress was familiar and like I mentioned, I was a bit more sensible (not completely though, I guess). Now I’m sitting at home, once again, crossing the halfway mark of the “best time of my life.” I don’t know how to fully say it, but it just feels weird.

I remember my senior year of high school the most – it was exciting, risky, and new. I stepped into boundaries I’ve never put forth, and lived to the fullest in my own quiet ways. I confronted my worse fears and had unexpected but ultimate joys. I was so happy and so sad, all at the same time. It was an incredible year, that came crashing down the following year with an immature realization of real life and real people.

That’s growing up I guess? Seeing how parochial a child’s world was, and then gulping down the responsibilities and maturities of an adult. I can’t say I’m too fond of this ideal, and I’m only just getting used to it. And the reward for all this trouble? Independence.

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I didn’t learn this this year but I came across it when I was younger and it’s becoming more apparent to me now, especially after finishing 1Q84: in the end, you only have yourself.

“Once you pass a certain age, life becomes nothing more than a process of continual loss.”

I know it sounds crazy depressing, but it’s an inevitable truth. So if you think, on the flip side of that coin, it means you need to do things that make you happy, like what all of those self-help books say: you need to love yourself before anyone or anything else.

In the end, do what you think is right (within reason, of course). If you want to pose with a bag of chips – go for it. 😉

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