the only thing I’m proud of

this year is undoubtedly more difficult than any of the other years i’ve experienced in my life. and what’s sad, is that in a lot of ways, i know the stress derives from the pettiness and the scale of my mind. it underlies from me focusing too much on the present and being and being unable to see what’s ahead.

i’ve been thinking a lot about my self worth as an individual, of what i had to offer to other people, let alone myself or my family. and honestly, sometimes i could come up with nothing because i felt defeated in a lot of ways, already. spiritually, i was lacking any embrace of god that i kept thinking i didn’t need for a while.

but reading scripture starts to reveal to me how wonderfully wrong i was. that every time i think i’ve had my back turned on the face of jesus, He’s been always there by my side. from a simple page flip to seeing a verse i had been looking for to images of jesus revealing his abundant love to someone who never deserved it.

these days, i’ve been pretty angry but i realize how stupid that is to be so caught up in my own mind. i think i’m only starting to realize (again) how far the savior goes with me. and when i have nothing to be proud of or am in pure mindlessness, i can hold onto god’s steadfast love.

thank you god, for after two days of reading scripture, you already have revealed yourself to me. please keep me mindful of your love as i continue throughout this day.

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