Running constantly

These days I’ve been feeling… sleepy. Maybe it’s the warmish-coldish weather in Providence, or the week-long hints of jet lag I’m still experiencing. But I think sleepy is a pretty accurate term of what I feel these days.

On the other hand, I also feel lackadaisical and anxious. I know – a weird mix. French class usually does it up for the slight anxiety I feel. And I just want to constantly sleep. Oh, and I’m also dehydrated.

Next week’s an adventurous week – kinda. It’s my birthday next Wednesday, my 21st. I’m not exactly excited but it’ll probably be enjoyable? Plus, it’s an excuse to treat myself and not do any homework… well not a lot of homework at least.

I’m a pretty tame person when it comes to celebrations and such. I’ve realized “partying” is only fun with a lot of my closer friends when they’re not busy… and when we’re not all dying of a lack of sleep. I prefer to Youtube for hours on my bed and watch reality TV than go out sometimes… most times?

I think it’s too early to turn back on my life and reflect on my first 20th year. I don’t think I’ve changed much or grown much. I feel good and stable though with where I’m at. And as always, I want to do something to myself that will shake things up and challenge myself even more. By literally putting myself through more anxiety and change. Hahahah. I’m all for the personal growth – though I don’t notice it half the time.

I realize any achievement I make or stability I come to, I’m never really satisfied. I want to continually break the highest point I’ve come and keep going instead of settling down. I honestly don’t  really know why, but I just want to? There’s a lot of people I want to give back to and I feel like enriching my life is a way of doing that? Maybe?

Or I’m just being an unsatisfied goose, unable to stop running — that’s how it feels like sometimes. I just can’t stop running.

I’ve put in my film development order, but in the meanwhile here are 6 of my non-favorite photos from my trip abroad.

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