a step you can’t take back

Brooklyn bridge @1:00 PM exactly.
Christy and I are in the city for the long weekend. It’s President’s day weekend actually.
Is also the coldest day in this city… possibly in the last 20 years (I’ve heard someone say). We were crazy enough to go onto the bridge at 1:00. It took us thirty minutes to cross it, and we were hoping we wouldn’t get blown off the bridge. But trudging through that awful wind (that I really thought would suffocate me) was worth it in the end. The view of the city was the best I’ve ever seen. A perfect sunny day, outlined in silhouettes of Wall Street buildings and skyscrapers.

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We also visited Jane’s Carousel. There was a birthday party going on while we were there.

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Despite the awful wind, today was a pretty decent day to shoot.
I love carousels so much. I felt like I was five, just looking out onto the waters and letting time pass me by effortlessly.

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To end the post: we began our day with doughnuts. Later at night, I met up with Steve, who is constantly shaping my views of the world. He said I should stop waiting for life to happen because one day I’ll look back and realize it began a long time ago.

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until we

What do you say
Is this the time
For one more try
At a happy life


Felt like making a February playlist this time around.

  1. Houdini – Foster the People
  2. Until We Get There – Lucius
  3. Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People
  4. Younger – Kygo Remix
  5. SeeSea – Machinedrum
  6. Sleepless – Flume
  7. Begin Again – Purity Ring
  8. Magic and Fire – Brave Baby (Thanks Christy!)
  9. Chocolate – The 1975
  10. Lost Stars – Adam Levine (Keira Knightley’s version is cool too)

February 2015

Heading down to a dreamland of concrete and endless skyscrapers soon.
t-6 days

Snowy Sunday

The snow went up to my knees. I’ve never seen that much snow in a non-mountain setting before. New England is crazy with its weather. But it’s not necessarily the snow or rain that makes you cold; it’s the chilling wind. It feels like your face is being blown off or something, like walking into the arms of torture. That’s how cold it gets.

This week’s been a bit rough – either because of the first real day of classes, getting overwhelmed by the workload, or because of the lack of warmth I’m getting. I’ve decided, after last weekend, to become more Christ-like. I guess I’ve been struggling with my faith for a bit, but I feel like things are slowly coming back together. I try to remember not to do a lot of things like judging others, worrying about the future, and being overly pessimistic. It’s definitely a hard process, but I think it’s definitely there. I’m remembering to actually pray whenever I do remember; remembering that compassion is key; and remembering that life is not eternal here on earth.

Life is so unpredictable and no one can really prepare for what will happen tomorrow. All you have is the today and nothing more.

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life? [Luke 12:25 ]

Learn to forgive and move on, not holding onto the past as if it will do anything or add anything to your life – something I need to work on. I need to try to take everyday for its own and stop obsessing over the future.

January has been busy and tiring. A lot of happenings, overcomings, and prayers. But now it’s finally February and my mind I’m focusing elsewhere. I already know it’ll be a tough month – it’s February, a weird, depressing month. But it’ll be all well with my soul.

Date Night

The last night I was in Vancouver, Harry and I decided to go to Joe Fortes, an upscale seafood restaurant. We were eating on the Dine Out menu and the atmosphere was pretty nice. Our sub-server(?) was quite interactive as well.

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Walking to the restaurant, we visited a souvenir store. We found a selfie stick on sale and decided to get it. We were awfully stared at by strangers…

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The courses at Joe Fortes:
Clam Chowder & Chilled Seafood Melody
Prawn Spaghetti & New York Steak
Chocolate Raspberry Tart & Tiramisu

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On the way home:

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I miss him.

Rainy Thursday

A very typical day in Vancouver: rain, rain, sun, rain.

Harry and I decided to go to Granville Island one last time before I returned to college. We ate our favourite meals and went off on a rainy, grainy photoshoot.

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It was sunny at first, but it started raining a little later. You just have to expect the rain in Vancouver.

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Pre-dinner coffee and cheesecake @Trees Organic Coffee & Roasting House. Harry says this place has the best Americano, and it is also known for their wonderful cheesecakes. I got a Raspberry White Chocolate scone.

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After Granville Island, I went to one of my favourite salad places : Red Robins. Shared a chicken burger and a chicken salad with mum.

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And here’s the fabulous beau. I swear he could and should be a model.

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Sushi Tuesdays

Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 presetSo what’s up with relationships? I mean I realized today that, in the end (if you choose), you will spend more time with your spouse than the family you were born into. Essentially there’s a distinction between the people you choose to love and those you’re born to love. And that fact, that realization, is somewhat hard to swallow because it means that you are in charge of your own destiny and happiness. You have to be the one to filter out those you could belong with and cannot belong with. And contrary to what many believe, I now feel as though there isn’t just one possibility of a soulmate out there. There are more than seven billion people on this planet; there must be more than one person that you are compatible with. No one will be perfect for you, but when you meet a person that you can relate with, one you can laugh with and cry to, you’ll know that this one possibility could be the one for you. And that is definitely a hard truth to come by because so many of us think there is only one possibility for true love – that everyone else before that person wasn’t really anything at all. But that’s not true is it. In that moment, when we’re with that one person we don’t end up with, we can still see the endless opportunities to build a future with that person. In the end, it’s just whoever you choose to stay with, to deal with (together), that you end up with forever (or a notion of forever in this modern day and age). So it’s not so scary when an opportunity comes and passes you, even though you might think it’s the end of your world. Even if that opportunity could have meant something great, there will always be more opportunities, more people, for that chance encounter.

Relationships are weird because in even a short span of a time they can make you forget the world you had before them. You cannot imagine what happened before or what could ever happen after them. Your significant other really becomes a part of you and there is nothing you cannot share or disclose with them. It’s really quite strange. There is nothing that he doesn’t know about me – but I guess I use thatIMG_1389 term lightly. He knows me, inside and out, and I’ve created an unhealthy world, in which I situate myself. He’s almost at the center of it, but there are other things at the center of my world, of course. Our relationship started really by a chance encounter – a sixteen year old who had an enormous crush on some guy she met at church. She always thought she kind of liked him ever since they met when she was twelve. But a trip made all the difference, blinding reality to a sixteen year old girl. And the reality was never really shattered until a few years later. But in the meanwhile, the girl was slightly distraught at how much she liked this… stranger. So in her final year of high school, she decided to tell him, unmindful of the consequences. He, on the other hand, a much more practical person, saw all the flaws before they even appeared. And I guess that’s the short version of this story. I remember how every moment felt to this day and on some days, I regret my decision, on other days, I don’t. But I cannot change the past that is for sure. I’m still pretty naive. No, I’m absolutely clueless about myself and my future. Sometimes I just feel bad this guy has to go through all of this with me; I hate causing him pain but I know I hurt him. We hurt each other really… that’s the inevitability of giving a part of yourself to another person, let alone a whole half.

Processed with VSCOcam with b1 presetI honestly can’t believe that as of right now I have someone who is willing to give me their time and who I can constantly talk to. But it’s not just that. I was looking at him the other day and I felt like I was looking at him and me through a stranger’s eyes. It was so surreal thinking that in front of me was a person whom I loved and who loved me back. Such a strange, amazing feeling how intertwined two human beings could become. There was a point in our lives when we were strangers, oblivious of each other’s existence, when we liked, perhaps even loved, other people. And now, the time has come for us to love one another, to give ourselves up for one another. Being so far from marriage but being able to so simply imagine every lovely aspect of it as well. I’m so thankful he continues to be in my life after all that we’ve gone through. I love him – that far I know.

Life nowadays is spent eating lots of sushi and spending time with him. So here’s sushi tuesday. Life is an awful mixture of confusion, love, sadness, and everything else. Let’s just say that though 2015 is a new year, this relationship is not. But that doesn’t make me give up or lose hope at all. Only makes me grow fonder of him and realize how fortunate I am to have him in my life.

I’ve also missed you too sushi.

“So” Sundays.

There’s a lot of catching up to do, but seeming that it’s a new year some new beginnings would be most appropriate. I guess this is why I have, yet again, started another blog – but this time for the public. It’s not even Sunday yet and I feel somewhat obliged to publish something on here.

I recently finished Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. Though a popular read, it most certainly resonated with every part of me. It’s a strange tale told from two ends, that from a fifteen-year old boy and a sixty-year old imbecile. The book I did not analyze for deep, incohKafkaerent metaphors; instead, I merely took each phrase and sentence as its own entity. Instead of overthinking, I just read in the moment. So many things stuck out to me that nothing stood out at all. It’s just one of those books that will amaze you and strike you as off-balance that you put down and do nothing else with. Just one of those books. I’ll end this short review with a quote from the novel.

“It’s like Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story.”

Now this blog isn’t just about my rants and such (though this post might be), but I’d like to take some time here to introduce myself. I am simply a Canadian-Korean, raised in Vancouver. I used to do ballet three times a week and studied non-stop. I took things in slowly and independently. I now attend Brown University. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you all this now, but in all honesty, I have nothing to hide… anymore. I am so fortunate, but of course like any other human being, I overly stress out about nothing. I’m finding myself, but aren’t we all?

I feel like a lot of my life has been spent running towards something – running to my grandma’s arms, running to ballet class, running away from friends, running to a good college. Now it finally feels like I have nowhere to run to or run away from. Right now, it actually feels like I can breathe and am not suffocating. But that feeling might soon pass. Life feels unfittingly alright. But I’m excited and already stressed out for what’s to come. Overall, I know it’ll all come together in the end. I’m just rambling now.

Black coats are a must this winter. Black is always a necessity.

Fun fact #1: I love toast. Mainly with ketchup, but also with raspberry jam or Nutella.
Fun fact #2: I would like to die in a black hole. Interstellar copied my idea.